Irrational Mind and a Few of its Little Animal Friends October 16, 2010
Posted by cheesefish in : Randomness , trackbackThere are two parts to my mind. The part that converses normally with people, can learn and figure and use logic and then there is the part of the mind that was trained in its abilities solely by exposure at a young age to the bad horror films of the 80′s. This part of the mind has no link to reality or at best, a tenuous, snaky tendril of a link that wouldn’t bear up under scrutiny or a large finger flick. This is the Irrational Mind. The one that keeps me awake at night with endless loops of senseless, salty fear and terror. And it has friends, animal friends. I have met them and they are legion.
I travel for work. Work is often dictated by tight budgets and timelines. This usually involves staying at the cheapest motel that can still be described by local denizens as ‘clean’ and ‘family owned’ in the small towns where we work. I have never had a problem, but the recent media furor over bed bugs has been on my rational mind. Irrational mind obviously was out for a stroll around my gray space sometime and picked up the high potential fear quotient rampant in the topic of bed bugs. Irrational Mind held this knowledge in reserve for just the right moment… I was walking up the home-welded safety metal steps of a clean, family-owned motel recently when my co-worker said ‘I had some bites in a line on my neck last week. I found out they were probably bed bug bites’. My clanging footfalls on the steps slowed as my mind raced. We had stayed at this same motel last week. She quickly followed up her statement by saying, ‘but I am pretty sure they were from the other place I stayed’, but the seed of fear had already blossomed and was swiftly bearing fruit. I opened the door of my room and was somewhat surprised not to be overrun immediately by a leggy, scuttling horde of bedbugs. I quickly determined that the only place to sleep was, in fact, the bed (the carpet didn’t seem any safer somehow). Although I had not had any bites from the week before, now I was itching all over and quite sure that it was only a matter of time before I had a rampant infestation that would force me to throw out all home furnishings and never enjoy a peaceful sleep again. The eerie theme music from a horror film was on repeat loop in my head as Irrational Mind pulled out all the stops. I irrationally decided (which is the only type of decision that can be made when Irrational Mind is in control) with no scientific basis whatsoever that I would be safer from the bedbugs if I slept under just the duvet and on top of the sheets. This ridiculous decision allayed my fears enough that I could turn out the light and scratch for no reason and not sleep for the rest of the night. Watch this video and play along! You too can scratch the night away with the good time antics of Irrational Mind…
A few nights later, I was again at work while snorkelling at night. My logical mind was innocently doing its job counting spawning kokanee and trying to keep track of where I was in my lane of observation as I finned slowly forward in the dark. This part of my mind was fully engaged and therefore unprepared for a sneak attack from Irrational Mind’s animal friends. I scanned left with my underwater spotlight, repeating my search pattern, I started to swing right with the light and as I illuminated the greenish haze in front of me, I saw a very large, rather rotund beaver steaming towards me and only about 1.5 metres distant. Irrational Mind took over bodily control and frantically started avoidance manoeuvrings which involved frantic back finning, arm splashing and general flailing as well as squealing into the snorkel, thus alarming my co-workers. A large, non-domesticated furry mammal swimming towards me at speed was all it took to flip the switch.
I had visions of killer rodents, large, yellowing teeth gnashing off my snorkel mask and various other non-logical thoughts. Irrational Mind was sure it was a killer beaver rather than just the ordinary Castor canadensis who is cute as a button and the poster child for industriousness.
Another treacherous animal friend of Irrational Mind is the ruffed grouse. They lie camouflaged and quiet as you stroll innocently in the fall forest. Your rational mind is thinking things like ‘what a beautiful autumn we have had, and I wonder what I will do with that unfinished bathroom later today’ and other normal, inane internal banter when Irrational Mind notices a lurking grouse animal friend and gives him or her the special signal. When you are most vulnerable, the grouse leaps up, beating its wings to simulate a small bomb explosion and causes a near heart attack reaction while Irrational Mind rubs its metaphorical hands in glee. Another triumph….
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